1303##

You never know how falling down feels like, until you know.

Is it a free fall? More like being sucked in an impenetrably dark whirlpool you can't get out?

It is remarkable- how easy it is to not care- like accidentally deleting everything on your wechat only to find that you get used to deleting anything without a grudge.

I just hope everyone can stop being kind so I can legitimately hate you all and bluster about the world.

No I'm kidding I already hate you all whatever you are.

I'm so tired of it. Not knowing who I am, what I feel, where I stand among them, what to think of myself, what to believe.

Ironically I know what I want, and what I SHOULD strive for.

I fcking just don't want to. Isn't the world hard enough on me? Shouldn't I be angry? Be bitter?

I never thought one day I'd be pointing my fingers at the WORLD, for giving me my misery!

What have I been cheated of? Is this rage justifiable?

What the fck. I don't know. I hate you, graduate school, I hate you, bfsu. I hate you, everyone who get in the way. I hate you, world.

It doesn't do me any good but I just hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You cannot get me out of this bottomless pit.

I want to bury 2020 in this pit.

As if you are the source of all my suffering, I wish you dead, LY, just go to hell, you witch.

I don't think I'll ever regret writing this down.

I don't even know if there will be the next "sunrise" for me.

But I will learn to not care. Just live.